Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
