I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
