I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
