9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
