Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
