Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Rock

(630): View more from Illinois

Scissors

(630): View more from Illinois

Fuck

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(734): View more from Michigan

turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.

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(925): View more from California

After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome

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(708): View more from Illinois

he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.

(334): View more from Alabama

I stand by my new policy.

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(210): View more from Texas

Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!

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(949): View more from California

you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"

(949): View more from California

and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.

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