So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
