I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
