Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
