she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize