But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
