you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
