have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize