Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
