i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
