Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
