my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
