remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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