Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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