One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
