i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
