ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
