Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize