Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
