so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
