Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
