I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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