i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
