I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if only i could text you this smell
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm too high and old for this...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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