Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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