let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
