The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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