he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize