no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
