His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
false alarm, still single
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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