i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
