I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
that's an acceptable place to lick
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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