fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
