please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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