my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
