he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
