obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
