I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
