Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
