Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
