Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
