I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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