this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
