I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize