Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
