the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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