honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
