apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
