I just cut my nipple shaving
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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