So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
