What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
