he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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