All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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