Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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