Acid is not a monday night drug
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
