That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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