just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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