it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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