1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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