I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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