You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
