what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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