The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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