Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
